Ok guys. We have two ways to know if you're single or not: wedding ring or Facebook status. 3 ways if you count limp dick. Quit being jerks.

Worst pick up line to use on a single mom. "Is that baby fresh?"

Guess who has reservations for a Titanic Anniversary cruise? This girl. Gonna get all dressed up and enjoy a 6-course meal prepped by Chef Bernard. It is something different and I am way excited.

It's true what they say "women are from Omicron Persei 7 and men are from Omicron Persei 9".

Question Time: Is Tacoma really the armpit of Washington? A group of guys are very loud about this topic.

This just in: Operation "Bring Piper to Work Day" has been a great success in smiles and gurgles... Mostly mine. ;)

Scariest movie ever is on, Night of the Hunter. Talk about one psycho mofo - Robert Mitchum takes the crazy cake.

Someone out there thinks I am not worth their time or lifestyle, thinking this makes you both wrong & stupid. Passive-aggressive rant over.

May 5-6 is the Las Vegas Filipino Festival at Town Square. Can't wait!!

I love kittens and music videos from the 1970's. Unrelated topics. Although, kittens in drug-fueled 70's rock videos would be pretty awesome

I hope & pray that anyone reading this KNOWS I am always here to talk or listen or support you in any way I can. I cannot stress how important life is and how much you are loved.

Oh sweet pickles. There is a magic spell cast over me every time I hear "Rainbow Connection" play. I'm a sappy dork.

When sick, hot, & dizzy, it is a bad idea to stand on an unstable ottoman to change fan speeds. Ended up on the floor in 3/10 of a second.

All I am looking for in life is a man with a nice car and a really great moustache.

QOTN part 2: "I'm disturbed that I know you call your junk King Koopa."

QOTD: "Are you too high to swing dance?"

It is so hard to be in a bad mood when listening to The Grateful Dead. Not even the cotton-headed-ninny-muggin customers can bring me down.

Pub Quiz. See you dirty rapscallions later.

I love being flipped off, honked & screamed at and chastised for not running through a crosswalk. I'm not in the mood to get a ticket for you

Your happiness sickens me.

Overheard at dinner "She (Devon Michaels) makes the same face in every picture. She's like the Kristen Stewart of the porn world."

QOTD: "I can smell the roofies in that picture".

I'm sweating my balls off in here. And no, I am not keeping a secret, there is just no better phrase or imagery for my current predicament.

Happy 87th Birthday to the best Gwamma ever. Love you so much <3

Smiff, smaff, rabble, grumble. My jewelry troll struck again. First the clover necklace, now ONE diamond earring. I can't have nice things.

The past is a place that you can never return to,
even though people say that this is where you belong.

Some people need to eat makeup so they will be pretty on the inside.

Anyone looking for hero status can attain this in one easy step... I am craving spaghetti and meatballs. Just putting it out there.

If you buy a product & are unhappy or have questions, would you call the seller, get answers or just blast your issues on a blog?

Night all... Have a fabulous Tuesday..

Um. They are playing musical dildo on stage. In the fashion of "hot potato" game. It's all crazy up in hurrr.

What the heck is "turtle style?" Imma let you know if I ever find out.

I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly. ~ Oscar 'Bob' Wilde

To Love, that is the greatest adventure of all.

I'm not about to start a skirmish over that, but really? Manners are officially a thing of the past.

Holy hell. There is one rude, gu-hetto-ass bitch next to us. Since it took me 8 extra seconds to move up in line, she jumped in front with her boyfriend.

I am thoroughly discombobulated. My ears were boxed on the Canyon Blaster.

Forgot how fun the AdventureDome can be when you need a thrill ride fix. Thanks again, Joey & Briana R!

Spirituality is for those seeking understanding. Religion is for those seeking reward. ~Pinky Ames 'Alcatraz'

"There's this boy I like, met him at the food court.
He's got hair like Gretzky and he does jumps on his skateboard.
I hope he asks me out, takes me to my favorite spot.
It'll be just him & me
(But don't forget the robot).
Let's go to the mall...today".

Talking 'bout hey now. Hey now. Jockamo freena ai nane. Jockamo fee nane.

Watch Stevie TV on VH1. You will thank me later.

Better read it first, for if one drinks much from a bottle marked "Poison", it's almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later. At Max Brenner with Haley

Anyone have ticket hook-ups or discounts to Adventuredome?

Really Oklahoma? Santorum? I am ashamed to be from this crazy state.

Holy moly... 85 mph winds in Pahrump. Let the blow job jokes commence.

"Make your future dream a present fact, by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled." - Neville

So many things fueled from hate and fear are weighing on my mind. People should be able to love whom they want no matter their gender, skin color, or religion. Nameless men & women in congress should not be making decisions on what is right for my body and health. I should not be afraid of what is to come of this once great nation, yet I am.

Can anyone get me and a guest into @AmySchumer tonight at the Riviera!

Bye Albuquerque. Thanks for the stopover. Vegas in 90 minutes or so. Yay

Of anyone sees the girl scouts out with cookies, will you get me a box of the lemonade ones?

Ready to come home. Orlando airport is hot as balls & some dude just crop dusted me except it was not a fart, I swear he shit his pants.

Last day of vacation. Time to go back to Vegas and straight, non-frizzy hair!!

At Denny's with the original Latin Kings of Magic. ;)

Erick Olson's show is high-lair-ee-us. But the Frank and Shawn show is almost as good. Ha.

Thanks Rob for taking me to Cracker Barrel.

My hotel is something else. ATM, elevator & bus center comp all out of order. Halls smell of moldy basement, tv remote only has Ch up&down w/40 blank stations.

I hate to say how much I love frozen butter beer.

Woo hoo. Finally made it to Islands of adventure.

"All the guys that turn me on, turn me down". Best thing I ever heard... Country Bear Jamboree.

Trends that need to end: women wearing fedora's and think they are upscale.

Dammit. I'm tired of my laptop shutting down in the middle of working. It's not the battery as I don't get the warning. Irritating.

Ok Orlando peeps... what are some good restaurant picks around the Downtown Disney area? @Brye726 @Ben_dejo @wrestlingleva

It's freezing. Not so good, Florida.

I'm calling it a night. My smashed up baby toe can't take anymore abuse from strollers. Doing my shopping and going to trudge to my shuttle.