I need a nap... been at work since 7:30... so out of character for me.

Just in case you missed it last night... I hate you James Franco and Scarlett Johansson. So much in life is rueeend thanks to you.

Sandra Bullock should host the Oscars next year.#Oscar

Trent Reznor is awesome but I hate The Social Network is evil. I'm torn.#Oscar

Just learned Christian Bale is a ginger and a shameless dot commer.#Oscar

I was a fabulous Helena Bonham Carter.

Getting my costume ready for Oscar night... it's perty.... and by perty, I mean hideous.

Um. Does BJ Penn look jaundiced to anyone else?

Calgon... take me away. And do my hair and makeup for tonight. Thanks.

An open hate letter to all the stoopid bitches for ruining all the good, decent nice guys

So, as your friend and bystander to your life, I hate watching you get hurt. But, I hate when you ask my opinion and do the opposite, resulting in your getting hurt. I am silently hoping the end is near. (no, this is not about you)

If I ever get to the point where (for fun) I read the kind of books that are made into Kevin Costner movies, put me out of my misery.

I miss my friends. I feel like they are all gone. Stoopid weird work hours. Stoopid New York.

Refund check deposited and spent... Thanks @TurboTax!!!!

I need a drink with the ladies.... soon... woo to the hoo.

Wow. Whole Foods gets wiggy it you take pics of their beer.

Don't take Russell east of Maryland if you want airport access. It's closed.

Know what I miss? Drama!

Ha ha - just kidding. Happy Opposite Day!

Hey Ladies... I need $50 more in orders to reach my goal for the pampered chef items. Please help. I am closing today.

I once got yelled at by a boy after kissing him. My braces got caught in his chewing gum. Yeah, he was a bad therapist. Dena (Samantha Who)

Cheese, glorious cheese. You are so yummy and delicious.

Coco Chanel said that to avoid over-accessorizing, women should look in the mirror & remove one thing. With you, it was often your dignity.

I'm not afraid of anything, except maybe a babysitter with a mechanical voice box?

I want to date Mayhem.

Dear Decision Makers at @Disneyland & @Disneyworld, Quit being assholes and leave the characters to wander the park. Signed, My Childhood.

Stoopid lady, get off your cell phone and order your coffee. Rude people are taking over society.

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind."

On a serious note, please say a prayer or send good thoughts into the universe for my sister-in-law, Nicole. Her mother has been missing since December 22. No leads, no luck and nowhere to turn but hope. Thank you. <3

I'm not taking my sneakers off... I am Sneakers O'Toole!

Wouldn't it rock if your car was stolen and the lo-jack called you saying, "Marco!"

Jimmy Hoffa was a mob robot. A Mobot if you will. RoboCop was based on his life and since Robocop is about Jesus... Jimmy Hoffa = Jesus.

If you are a blogger and there is a chance that your blog will appear on the IMDB homepage, maybe you should spell UPCOMING correctly.

You had me at AnnYong!

Oh Happy Sunday. To you and you and you and you! I had a great time last night but lost my mystery man that rocked out with me all night.

The Hooters Casino smells like ass and cigarettes.

When you see a group of "ladies of the night" it's a Stain of Hookers.

Holy Shit Balls Batman. So many stoopid hooker types in high heels while standing in GA for the Black Keys.

Getting ready for the Black Keys. Woot.

Oooh.... Re-Education Camp. That sounds fun. Where do I sign up?

On my way to @JosephJamesBrewery @Foxbrews for the Brew Tour.... Can't wait.

I am such a fickle consumer. I am growing increasingly unhappy with my new phone.

=( All my breakfast buddies are gone. Who is hungry?

So... this is what the Storm of the Century looks like? It is sooo cold and not rainy enough.

QOTN: I've never had the full Dick experience.

There is something so off-putting about a VERY pregnant bartender.

Remember the old show "Flash Forward" with @BenFoster? He is so underrated in Hollywood. He rocked the (limited) role of Angel in X-Men.

Ok.. no more dicking around... time to work.. See you later time-waster.

Today is a @TheyMightBeGiants, @ReginaSpektor & @VonBondies kind of day. Maybe mix in some @SodaFountainRag. Have a great Friday everyone!!!

Vegas boys and girls.... Check out the Halo Moon tonight. Indicative of bad weather... I hope so!

Hey... all my friends and family in Oklahoma, Texas and the like - NONE OF THE TV SHOWS HAVE AIRED HERE. Quit yapping about them. love you!

Come on @AMC - enough with Shawshank Redemption. I am almost certain that you can air other movies this week.

RIP Uncle Leo. http://ping.fm/hEQra

Aw snapdragons. I would have like to see @OliviaMunn play Wonder Woman.

Dear Gouda... You make me very happy. Love, my belly!

Good Morning = making it to work on time. Great Morning = finding a local-owned shop that makes Kahlua-n-Cream coffee. @BentleysCoffee

Thank you everyone for the amazing turnout at my Pampered Chef party tonight. I will be taking catalog orders until Sunday if you need anthying.

I really, really, really hate shipping software. Talking to you @UPS, @FedEx & @Stamps.com.

Ooh.. What I wouldn't give for a @SeesCandy high right about now!

Ugh. Totally disagree with the winner of the working dog class. Stupid Portuguese Water Dog.

Honestly... where did Christina Hendricks boobs come from? Firefly - nothing, Mad Men - kaBoom. And rumor is they are real. I am so confused about development now.

Dear Gentlefarps... Take note, I am not too proud for discount chocolates and flowers. Just Saying... Love, me <3

Does anyone really think Big Mama's House is funny?

How depressing is the story of the Rescuers cartoon? Just the opening credit music makes me want to cry.

Valentine disappointment feels like this: When the UPS guy comes in with a big box of flowers then says, "oh, wrong office." That sinking feeling sucks.

Ugh. Double whammy Monday. Can't I just stay in bed?

QOTN: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone I'm very busy with my diarrhea. It comes in waves.

I think I just saw Ecto 1 on Russell Road.

Watching Made of Honor and realized if you put a short, bobbed wig on Chris Colfer; you have Michelle Monaghan.

So tired but had a great night with Jen.

Last night I had a dream that Louis Prima used to live in an Olive Garden that was converted into a Tiki Bar.

OOH... Tonight is ladies night at Step By Step Dance Studio for their Valentine's Day party. 8:30pm, SE corner of Trop and Spencer.

So.... Do I get a 2007 Saturn Sky? Anyone have pros or cons you want to pass on?

OUCH. I stubbed my toe.

Dinner at Capo's, bitches. Suck it, crappy chain Italian restaurants. Kaboom.

Awesome, don't you think @theaarondouglas?
http://ping.fm/RHOQz

"Two CAN keep a secret if one of them is dead." The Pierces are sooooo right.

So, @Transformers Dark Side of the Moon looks like a beautifully composed ballet of destruction, bombs and chaos. I cannot wait to see this movie.

Yeah... I totally prefer these to real, stinkin' flowers. Unless it's Brandon Flowers, then I want the real thing, baby.
http://ping.fm/qRKk8

Oh Em Gee. So tired. Sleep, why must you elude me like unicorns or straight, single guys that don't live with their moms and have jobs?

"Having sex is like drinking from a cup full of a bunch of other people's spit." According to the US Gubment.

Calling all Art-Cars! If you have access to an Art-O-Mat machine, please send me a piece. I need to know where and when you got it. Message me for details on payment.

I need a trip to San Francisco. I miss my peeps. Need to get Bobby's ass to the city and we can party-hardy and all fall down.

Harumph. If Snooki and Palin can get books published and they just blather about nothing, why can't I? I have a lot of nonsensical ramblings to share.

Oh Monday... this round goes to you.

Aww... jerk tits. What a game. I almost punched a girl. I hate strangers talking, no- creepy whispering, in my ear.

My QOTN: I'll skull Fuck your cheese head.

Ooh. Someone just revealed to me their secret lesbian crush on me.

Ah... Time to get ready for the Steelers to win. Should I wear shorts and a jersey or just shorts and a t-shirt? Ha ha... frozen suckers.

UFC 130- Conan vs Snoop Dogg. kaboom

Great day in Vegas. 60 degrees, lunch with Julie T, car washed and fight night with friends later. ::Swoon:: at the good life.

Watching Top Chef in the morning while hungry is not a good idea. I want Italian food for breakfast.

QOTN: They have the automatic paper towel dispenser set to obnoxious.

"You can love a lot of people in your life. But there is only one that you love the most." Seely Booth

QOTN: do you think dominating me on the bed is the best idea?

It's been determined I could never be a murderer since my cakes are so light and fluffy.

Has a pair of steel ovaries.

What a great week. Thank you, Universe, for all the positive energy and fabulous friends pushed my way.

Sam Elliott. The most interesting mustache grower in the world.