This bridesmaid is spent... Where is my bed?

Lesson for today, "you have to crack the asshole."

Gettin our hair did! Today's the big day...

At Brio suffering from a food coma.

I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants!

Instant happiness... Diet Dr. Pepper and a Jack in the box taco - no hot sauce.

I can't seem to catch a break... Hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day!

It's hard being a Fembot in a Manbot's Manputer's world.

::shiver:: Some people just give me the uber willies.

People really like the sound of their own voice. I'm too old for this High School shit.

Working's for sucks...

I just gave Amy a pity Jack... Tee hee

We need something to do. What's the haps in Vegas?

OMG... this day is flying. I wondered why I was starving and realized it is 2:30 and now it's too late to go get lunch... ugh

Curious.... Why is there a line of men outside Toys R Us waiting for it to open?

There are only two sources I trust, Glen Beck and singing woodland creatures.

SO much fun tonight... I love the Slitz family. Thanks Nancy, John, Emily!!!!

For all my complaints and Debby downer rants, I have been unbelievably blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. Even though I have lost touch with some, I hope they know how much they mean to me!

Journey station on Pandora FTW!

Ugh. 97 degrees at 7am is ridiculous.

Dear Monday! Be nice. This week is going to be extra-crispy crazy. Can't wait for Saturday's nuptials of Emily Slitz & Jason Rogers!

Soon he'll be stronger and more flexible than Hercules and Gumby combined!
Dr. Zoidberg: Gumbercules? I love that guy!

Great friends. Delicious dinner. Toilet wine, turtle pie and now Black Dynamite. Perfect Sunday!!

Yummy breakfast and Nightmare Before Christmas... Great start for a Sunday!

Made dinner for Josh & Adam then watched Planet 51. Great night...

Mmmm. Lunch at Lolita's Cantina. Time for a nap.

Lazy Saturday... Building a web site... chilling with Gir... buying some eyelashes.

I love The Oblongs!

Crack smoke does not smell like birthday candles. Me to Josh....

When did SideBar become a huge biker hangout?

Holy Smokes, Batman! I just found 120+ photos on my old phone! Can't wait to go through them all and embarrass y'all!

Yay! I am back in the world of picture messaging.

America was founded on the notion that a person should be free to follow his or her own destiny. But we can't do that if we're living in fear of our own government. We need to reclaim this country for free men and women everywhere. Remember today, there are no Democrats, no Republicans, no hawks, no doves. Just the naked simplicity of an absolute: Mankind's survival. Good luck to us all.

Live for the moment... 'cuz it might be your last. Ya dig?

Thanks everyone. I now have what I need... You rock... Time to watch Justice League?

AT&T... you are the devil. Evidently, you now have to buy a data package to send/receive pic messages. Even though the unlimited package says it includes Picture and Video messaging.

Can't wait for Ms. Trish Bash's party tonight!

My moral compass points North for the most part. But lately it has been flickering and that makes me question so much about myself.

While you were out, the Globetrotters held a press conference to announce I was a jive sucka.

Beat on the brat with a baseball bat oh yeah. Oh oh oh yeah

So, I have severed ties with my iPhone.Which means, if you have sent me a text message in the last two hours, I did not get it. Plus missing some contacts. If you do text, please sign your name! thanks

Val Kilmer, Ray Liotta, Anthony LaPaglia... I love seeing pics of you in your younger days. LeSigh... so hunky.

So... thinking a last minute drive to San Diego is calling my name...

Josh: You could never be a sniper. Me: yes I could. Josh: no you couldn't. You can't stay still long enough.

Chewy Chomp. Ba-chewy chewy chomp.

Dinner and then Quinn's tonight at GVR. $50 Bar tab for funniest T-shirt. $20 all you can drink beer... 8-11pm

Did Freddy Krueger have a baby? I have a pic at work with him holding a child.

Oh No! It's the oppressors... Christians and Nazi's and Republicans - oh my! ~Big Gay Al

Happy Wednesday to all my minions!

I am over the iPhone & cannot wait for my contract to expire. The upgrade has made this phone a POS. As I typed this, my text feature quit.

We're merely soldiers in petticoats. Dauntless crusaders for Women's Votes. Tho' we adore men individually. We agree that as a group they're rather stupid.... Ha ha ha.. Favorite Mary Poppins song.

Overheard "I'm not so worried about you breaking up with him, but him leaving you for a man."

I am a lobster today... Just call me Zoidberg... woop woop woop woop

Goodbye bachelorette weekend, hello Monday. At least I ended it with Despicable Me!!!

I'm looking forward to my passionate celibacy.

Some things are so absurd I just don't even hear them. Like, you just blew a dog whistle full of crazy and I'm not a dog.

Overheard "The upside of being drunk...bulimia."

Goodnight world. It is totally different not being the drunk one. I love it.

Dear creepy old guy. If I wanted to dance I would be near the dance floor. Not at the beer pong table. Playing with friends.

Wow. Some chick on the Stoney's dance floor is seriously raunchy.

And Julie Trygar were just told to "keep your creamy bean away from me."

Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock... Why of all days, does today have go extra slow? I wanna get out of this place... and party with the rock stars.

Let's go Tube Sock... Hit me...

I want to be a conjurer of things.... taking suggestions..

I wonder what the going rate is for an up and coming homeopathic drug mule?

I love drama in the morning.

Sometimes a crime of passion is not noticing the passion in time.

Now, where is that rat's ass I could give?

"Just because there is vodka in my freezer it doesn't mean I have to drink it. Wait, yes it does." E. Cod

Sometimes I think karma has a real "kick-em when your down" mentality.

A hug is just an emotional Heimlich.

Question: Do you think Inception is anything like Dark City?

"When I was young, I used to think that masturbation meant chewing your food. I don't think that anymore."

It's called faith... you're not supposed to understand it... You just have it.

What? Earlier today you wanted a gun. Now you're getting a gun and a wet suit.

Death at a Funeral (UK version) is so funny.

So full from Sweet Tomatoes. Beets are delicious.

My roomie was raised by a wonderful woman. He opens my car door for every time we go somewhere.

Carthaginians > Carcinogens. Discuss amongst yourselves.

All is well. Gir is recovering nicely and got to keep some of her teeth.

My fur baby Gir is having dental surgery today. I hope all goes well.

Did he just say funky butt lovin'? Ha ha ha.

You shouldn't drink milk. It's not in sync with evolution.

Your latest performance was as delectable as dipping my bottom over and over into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams.

It is not our abilities that determine our place in life. It is our choices.

Lazy Saturday chilling with my fur babies and watching cartoons.

That did not go well.

Time to gamble.

Do Bi-SexualS care about hairy legs?

When God gives you lemons... Find a new god.

Dear Diary... When will I find my own Dr. Frank-n-Furter? Well, one that is not making a man with blond hair and a tan. <3 Jules

How do you do? I see you met my faithful handyman. He's just a little brought down because when you knocked he thought you were the candyman

I might be insane... but I have lovely penmanship.

"It seems Bender hates humans the way I hate having my nipples polished with industrial sand paper. " ~ Hedonism Bot

Sky Zone was awesome. Got our butts kicked at 3D dodgeball by a bunch of 8 year olds.