At the Zappos pajama party and this place is insane! Thanks, Tony!!

To all my friends and loved ones. I hope you are healthy, happy and full of cheer. Happy New Year. May 2011 bring you all you ever wanted.

Who names their kid "Brandy Alexander" that just screams stripper to me...

QOTD: I hope that was a speed bump and not a person.

So.. I finally watched my first episode of Dexter Season 1... I LOVE IT.. I am so far behind.

I need to learn to swear in Mandarin, Cantonese or Chinese. It sounds so angry and final!!!!

QOTN: I'm influenced by the tube. The boob tube not the penis tube. I felt I needed to clarify.

I really want a Judy Tenuta t-shirt.... Please help. It's for a good cause. I know you would hate to see me go without a shirt. ;)

"You are more interesting than your profile. You are more beautiful than your profile picture." Best thing I have read all day....

For $1, I will guess your weight, your height or your sex. $1

I love Patricia Clarkson... Very under-rated actress... That is all. Jukie out!

Am I the only one that finds the MC/man in the green suit from Beerfest hot? Just me? Ok

So. Went to Canes chicken to redeem my FourSquare special and they refuse to honor it. Heads up.

Ugh. I hate to wish time away. But can't this day be over yet?

I really thought today was Wednesday. :(

Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies.

Watching Breakfast at Tiffany's & eating leftover chinese food. Yay for holidays.

How can people that are not your friends, POKE you? It is just as creepy in real life as it is in the virtual world. Stop poking me...

You can't turn back the hands of time. Just let it go and you'll be fine. What's done is done and it's alright.

QOTN: Wait? There's a hooker in footbal!

Ugh.. the world is over. Just saw a commercial for "Pajama Jeans" that you can wear while working out. Not even I would wear these...

Of all the things said today, being told I have a great laugh was the best of all. Thank you, Shawn.

QOTN: No. Friday the 13th goes chew, chew, chew, caa, caa, caa.

QOTN: I see her killing you in her sleep. That could be one of her things.

Some people are Ho-Ho-Horrendous.

Merry Christmas! Dinner smells great, friends are awesome and my loved ones are in my heart!

This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. When Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Time to Party.

"your wife has reached her saturation point." Overheard at the store just now.

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

I love smiling. Smiling's my favorite.

Khourys Wines and then Republic Kitchen for dinner with Kristi. Good times.

Who is in town and wants to grab some dinner?

Strange days are here. 1) it is weird to drive home from work in the light and 2) I'm home at 3pm. I don't know what to do with my time.

Happy Festivus! Decorate the pole, air your grievances and prepare for the feats of strength.

To Celebrate the Holiday Season, a donation has been made in your name to: The Human Fund - Money for People!

Winter Cat Olympics (Early morning events) has kept me awake. I am a Frumpy Grumpus!!!

Something I most grateful for: substitute families. I will not be with mine this year, but am still going to be with loved ones! Thank You!

To Celebrate the Holiday Season, a donation has been made in your name to: The Human Fund - Money for People! Happy Festivus!

Dude. Why do my free oil changes cost me over $100?!?!

I'm so glad Pretty Little Liars is starting soon. That is all.

I love the holidays. Fuck you for making me cry.

Merry Christmas. I got a sock monkey & a bottle of Johnny Walker Red Label for gifts. My life rocks.

Oh dear god. When will I be enough?

Getting ready to party. Question is: do I go naughty or nice? Hmm. Help me!

Yay. It's finally Friday. And it's raining. I love today.

So.. is @Facebook down or did the server finally kill itself from mindless changes and stupid updates?

Black Keys playing Vegas in February. Who's with me?

I don't think couples are the future. The way I see it, we both got back-up now. It's like that thing Jon Bon Jovi said: No man is an island.

Who wants to come with me to get names off the Angel Tree this year and buy some gifts for children without anything?

You like rap? A little. It's by black people mostly. And they're pretty angry most of the time. But sometimes they just want to have sex.

Hump Day. Lovely Lady Lump Day.

Wow. Thank you old dude in the bar. I did not know that "a good toss" would make me more fun.

Oh dear. Biting my tongue. Man in the bar says that the casinos are racist because he has never seen a black man as an electrician.

I'm selfish. Even though life is awesome, I still want more.

Just in case you didn't hear... TRON was awesome... like an orgasm for your eyes.

Tron was visually stunning. Now off to Harmon Theater for After the Show!

Can't wait... T-minus 2 hours until Tron: Legacy premiere!!!

Christmas cheer is back. Bottle of Grappa and White Christmas is on. Lol

I am all out of Christmas cheer. Crap boobs crap. Hell damn fart.

QOTN: You sure you don't want to steal the dildo?

Getting ready for Reindeer Rock 2010 with Steele Kitteen!!!

All I want for Christmas is to play beer pong with my gwamma!

Time to start getting ready. I'm so lazy.

Seeing AJ and Psychic Tanya with Springy Kwan and pals!

Dear stinky elevator dude. NOT COOL to fart in the lift so I walk into your stench cloud.

QOTN2: Depending on the girl, I like bloody maries too.

QOTN: What? Your nipples don't get hard when you eat spicy food?

I am not sure that I could love another person as much as I love Freddie Mercury and Queen. Good thing I am single...

Oh Thursday! You found me.

Transgender Banging Adventure. The follow up to my Vagtastic Voyage album. Thanks, Jill.

Birthday drinks at Yardhouse with Jill & Lulu!

Before you cross the street, take my hand. Life is what happens to you, while you're busy making other plans. ~ Beautiful Boy

Stupid Auto-Pay account. I thought I canceled you. Bah! So much for being ahead of the game.

Finally, watching Walking Dead finale. Cold beer. Dead people. ADD friend. Doesn't get much better than this.

I love my friends. Just saying!

So much work to do... Anyone want to volunteer a couple hours in my office? I have cool product I can barter for your time!!

Such a great weekend. Yawn. I need a nap. Again.

I just sat through a Catholic wedding service and did not get kicked out or struck down. Thanks, Alex!

I know I am old when lyrics of the songs that are popular are as follows "party crasher, panty snatcher" & "don't be 50 just get dizzy".

Stupid drunk asshole just spilled his drink on me then looked at me and said, "do you know who you're talking to?"

QOTN: dude, I accidentally licked your can.

My favorite part in Calamity Jane.

Calamity: Are you calling me a liar again?
Wild Bill Hickok: Why don't you ever fix your hair?

Stupid cough. You have interrupted my sleep for the last time. Who wants to come over and perform an emergency coughectomy?