I think ALL elected officials' salaries should be the median income of the areas they represent.

So, does anyone else think the new show "The Killing" is a rip-off of Twin Peaks? Their tag line is "Who Killed Rosie Larsen?" Jeebus send help.

I need recommendations on Inventory Management Software for Mac that can create Amazon, Ebay & Yahoo Store upload reports.

I need recommendations on Inventory Management Software for MAC that can create Amazon, Ebay & WebStore upload reports. And update in real time.

You're feeling shitty? I don't feel no pity. Without me you are nothing at all

There was a little girl who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good she was very good, but when she was bad she was horrid.

Things are gonna change. I can feel it. ~Beck

I want to go horseback riding. Who can facilitate this request?

I am AB to the FABulous... Thanks Chuck and Julie for an amazing dinner.

Oh my wow. What an amazing show. Go see girl talk.

At the Cosmo. Can't tell which girls are here for the show and which are here to hook?

Cranky asshole week is coming to a close. Yummy pot roast last night. Get my glasses today. Seeing Girl Talk tonight at the Cosmo. Big smiles

Dear week from hell, please move on. I'm tired of being sick and plagued by migraines every day. I am off to bed. Love, Cranky Asshole Jules

There are two things I dislike - Movie Remakes and Russell Brand. BUT, I am quite excited to see his turn as Arthur. I hope it does not disappoint.

Ok listen up... I wanna go to Piero's soon. Somebody out here is going to take me... That is all!

I wish I had a magical Liopleurodon. Then I'd never be lonely. I bet he would regale me with stories of his awesome adventures. Le sigh.

One positive thing to leaving work late was being able to see the most amazing sunset and clouds.

Hmm... My horoscope says, "It's not wise to keep going it alone - besides, you're missing out on something interesting."

Watching TV and just saw Oprah... in a bathtub... nude... here comes my brunch.

I am a corporate executive. I stop exciting things from happening!

So domestic. Made chicken & rice in my covered baker and chocolate pudding for dessert. Wine, bad movie and supermoon to follow!

Who wants to have a SuperMOON party tonight?

Super duper drunk girl crying and sobbing in the stall next to me. AWESOME when it's someone else

UNLV is not doing so well. But, I have my beer and my Keith.

Oh My... Corned beef and cabbage and Guinness and great friends... Perfect night.

I strive to be wealthy enough to be eccentric characters like Auntie Mame or Suzanne Sugarbaker.

Heading out to @JohnnyMacs tonight for our annual ruckus fest and corned beef noms!

Here's shampoo for our real friends, and real poo for our sham friends.

Happy Birthday to my GWAMMA! Love and miss her. Oklahoma won't let her go.. :)

Beware. Beware, for the ides of March are upon us.

on that is reading this status.

Ladies! I just found out a friend of mine was a victim in a home invasion last week. Fox 5 just released his sketch. PLEASE be careful. I love every pers

Success!!! It's delicious.

I'm making chocolate pudding. Homemade. Raw eggs and everything.

Bah.. the weather is nice and yet I am full of rage and unhappiness... Forget you and forget her, too!

Ha ha. At the bike shop and some rough looking dude is arguing with a chick about how great Twilight is.

What a great night. Met the perfect guy. But alas, it's not meant to be.

Hmm... I wonder if the Tsunami and earthquakes were caused because Mother Nature is tired of Charlie Sheen?

Busy day... Errands then off to Laughlin for E-Beth's wedding!!!

Nope. Changed my mind.

Going dancing. Who wants to come?

Chocolate ice cream cake from @Carvel sounds delicious right about now.

"When the sun has gone behind the clouds, when everything has lost its silver lining, when things look their absolute darkest...cover your head with your coat."

I'm getting too old for this shit! But had a great night with Tawney.

I hate when cool people marry someone really heinous b

I'm giving up raping and Jesus for lent

Sweet. Smurfs. I love my friends and their fancy cable.

Le sigh... I wish I pooped candy. Delicious candy... not poo candy.

Oh-Em-Gee... Watching the "Afternoon Delight" scene from Glee almost made me pee my pants. Bray-Vo

Rango was awesome.

I think I just saw @jasonmewes on Russell. Sweet.

I need someone to pitch a TV show for production.

Things I hate: tuna fish, flowers, giggling, cilantro, the color yellow, rainbows, ducks, the word panties, cramps, string cheese, clocks, bras that hook in the front.

Sweet... Just won free lunch at Chipotle.

Two reasons it is hard to solve a red neck murder; the DNA all matches and there are no dental records. Ha ha. Thanks Joey

Just finished at the gun range. My shoulder is tender enough to eat.

Time for another jam-packed Sunday. I need a vacation. A real one... with hot guys that don't speak English bringing me drink after drink.

Off to @StBaldricks at Boulder Station!!!!

Ok ladies. Pampered Chef items are here.

When using a public bathroom, GET OFF YOUR CELL PHONE. That should really go without saying. But I guess the rude bitches on the 2nd floor don't know that.

D.R.A.M.A. - D-umb R-etards A-sking for M-ore A-ttention.

Note to self: Three is a Magic Number is not the best karaoke song. Lol

Heaven in a glass, Unibroue Tres Pistoles on tap at BJ's Brewery.

Special Powers: I can get my feelings hurt and throw a world-class hissy fit! Thanks Roger!

Oh, Ernest and Julio Gallo, you make a glorious wine, and a handsome couple!

The day I need a friend like you is the day I take a squat and shit one out.

You are boring me to death... and I'm already dead. You are boring me back to death.

Pass on the love, Tuesday. Thanks donut lady for the sweet words this morning.