Off to Beef & Beer to (hopefully) see some awesome peeps - Teri, Brett - lookin at yous guys.

I have gritty kitty cat litter eye lids. I think I just scratched my corneas.

Heck yah dudes and dudettes. I just conquered and destroyed the "Rocky" steps at the Philadelphia Art Museum.

Hey South Jersey! What's the naps tonight!

Great day at the zoo. No poo was flung but the day is not over.

Oh hell no! Those same babies from my first flight are on this one. And it's a commuter plane.

I book the first flight of the day and I'm already an hour delayed. WTF @Delta no wonder you suck.

If I ever hear a baby scream and cry all night again, it will be too soon. And I may snap. I need an elixir to calm me nerves.

I need my sleep if I'm gonna run up the "Rocky" stairs!! Spending the night on the plane may hinder this plan. :-/

Ok all you birds and dolls... In a few hours my vacation starts. I am ready... this week has really tried my patience.

Really? Today of all days my bank account gets hacked. Rage!

This time tomorrow I will be having lunch somewhere in the City of Brotherly Love!

Who has watched The Guild? It looks great - thoughts and opinions?

My wish is that everyone in the world to have a roommate as awesome as mine! Josh Vance is the best and kills ants!

So, not only does Quentin Tarantino think we are made up blood sacks, all his vampires are made out of pudding. Weird.

You know what rocks a bad day? A phone call to a dear friend on his birthday and him making you feel like you are best thing ever!!!! I <3 Lucas.

I can only blame Mr. Anderson for his misfortune and skyrocketing insurance rates. He is the one that keeps hiring Beavis & Butthead to make home repairs.

So, I had that little book project for an event in August that is NOT GOING TO BE DONE. I appreciate the few that did participate and maybe I can do it for Christmas.

Sound Advice: if you are going to do meth, don't buy from a Mexican. Get it from a Chemist.

Stupid FaceBook is blocking this... go to Guess the Google and play. It is so fun and interesting. http://ping.fm/HKnB1

QOTN: Why am I not surprised that your cat is into S&M? Least surprising thing I have heard all day.

Sweet pickles! My parents are moving to Salt Lake City for 2 years. So excited!!!!!

What a great morning movie, Gidget! I'm such a dork. Lol

Over 79% of all car accidents are caused by men.... who let women drive. :)

Let's all send out thoughts to the Norway victims, the injured shot at a car show in Seattle and the 5 dead 3 injured at a birthday party in a roller rink in Texas. Please do not waste your sympathy for a junkie that killed herself.

Calling in a HUGE favor. I have a client looking for a CRISS ANGEL signed 8x10 photo for his niece. Can someone please set me up with his PA?

OK... THERE IS NO SPIDER UNDER HER SKIN... quit being sick jerks and clicking on this obvious SPAM link. My wall is covered with all this crap...

Big congrats to my friend Rex and the birth of his little one at 8am.... Welcome to the world of babies!

Swarthy... no one uses this word enough.

Anyone else want to eat all the "bad food" that gets brought to the pass on Hell's Kitchen? Just me? ok... awkward.

Have you ever looked through your status feeds and think "I really do not like a lot of people I am reading about"? You can't delete them it's too much drama. I know - 1st World Problems.

This time next week I will be living it up Philly style. Can't wait to see where our nation was born.

I love how every loser on Master Chef and Hell's Kitchen always say, "So and So did not deserve to win. Their dish sucked."

" 'Glee' Suit -- You Screwed Me On the Back End."

Ha ha ha.. Best non-Weiner headline...

Live for each second without hesitation! ~Sir Elton John

I want to live bravely and love without fear.

5-Hour Energy drinks pretty much put me to sleep.

Ok.. who is going to SDCC? I have the chance to get a pass but I need some floor to sleep on in a hotel there. anyone have some extra space?

Casey Anthony places a call to 911 in fear of her life.
(Dispatch): What is your emergency?
(CA): Please help me, I have a bunch of people trying to kill me!
(Dispatch): Ok ma'am, calm down. What is your name?
(CA): Casey Anthony.
(Dispatch): Ok Miss Anthony try to stay calm, an officer will be there in 31 days."

Rex manning left me a voicemail. I rule!

Heading back to Vegas today.

Is this thing on?

Last day of the show. I think I am going to the Magic Castle tonight to see Murray... woo!

I just offered to have Billy Zane's baby. To his face... I rule. In a sad kind of way.

Feels like someone punched me in the right ovary... why? why would someone do that?

HP Fact: when Alfonso Cuarón became director for Prisoner of Azkaban, he asked each of the leads to write an essay about their characters from a 1st-person perspective. True to character, Emma Watson- a 16-page essay, Daniel Radcliffe - a simple one-page summary, Rupert Grint - never turned his in.

If you want to throw down fisticuffs, fine. I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary waiting for ya, right here.

Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, and now we are in love!

Hey LA folks... I will be in Burbank working the Hollywood Show if you are near the area, stop by and say hi! I know it's CARmageddon...

I had a dream last night that I was rocking out to Pearl Jam... covering a Madonna song. Is this a real thing?

QOTN: I don't want to go party with the Jews.

Hey... Asshole in the building.. learn how to NOT BURN your nasty microwave popcorn. That nasty smell permeates every floor.

ouch! The inside of my left ear is swollen & feels bruised plus my glands are sore to the touch.

Which advice is best: An asshole a day keeps the doctor away or An apple a day keeps the doctor erect?

I am in a foul mood and the only cure is for someone to bring me a fountain Pepsi with crushed ice...

So.... I stumbled upon a fun little show called "The Reaper". I love Ray Wise.

Chinese... good Chinese... sounds great for lunch.

Stumbled across a creepy lil movie - Crazy Eights. Not too bad...

Whoozy Whatty? Just a fun thing to say.

Ok.. so the countdown to my Philly spectacularrrrrr is killing me. Entertain me until July 27 please.

Super stoked... I just started my Google+ account. Find me if you know me - Jules Sparks!!

I am done. Stick a fork in me. Who would buy an autograph photo of OctoMom in a bikini showing off her man feet? srsly. My job cracks me up.

Best.Tweet.Convo.Ever.
Kim Kardashian:"Casey Anthony not guilty? I am speechless!"
Opie Radio: "So was Nicole Brown's family when your dad got OJ off".

So... I just saw my first "South Seas Enema"! Thank you, Bear Grylls, now I HAVE seen everything.

Talking to you tires me.

Saw the sunrise on my way home this morning. Perfect start. Happy Fourth of July! Don't forget our greatest Patriots committed high treason to obtain a better life for future generations. Never take for granted the blood spilled for your life, liberty and pursuit happiness.

Had my girl date with Ms. Julie last night @Ventano_LV & we had a chance to talk with chef Arnauld Briand. He is hilarious and awesome.

Uh oh... My smitten is showing. :)

Ooga chaka... still at work.

I splurged on myself today (giggity) and bought some new AVIA trainers!!! Now am at work and will miss the white party. boo

26 days until I leave for Philadelphia. Any Suggestions? So far: Liberty Square, Art Museum (Rocky), Geno's, The Franklin Fountain Ice Cream Parlor.

Anyone out there in "I hate certain social networks" land have an extra Google+ Project invite? Thanks....

Online Traffic School will suck the life out of you. I really hate that cop that pulled me over. He made my life so inconvenient. Jerk-hole.