Hmm. Boyz in the hood or Mother Mother?

is calling bullshit shenanigans on every bar in Vegas that claims Sam Adams and Amber Bock is an IMPORT BEER.

Hmmm. The highlight of my day is over. Now what?

Is bound by wild desire.

I used to ride my pony up and down this corridor when I was young, then I grew up, got drunk, and fell off!

has a hankerin' for a hunk of cheese.... Not really, more like a bloody mary...

Hmm. I need a new dress. One that says elegance, yet extremely slutty and available.

Karma struck back in the form of a sunburn. Ouch.

What's that? Time to change sides? If I must. Yawn. Life is hard. I have to get my own drink. Ugh.

What a rough life... hanging by the pool, being kept company by the best doggies ever... You may start your envy engines... ha ha

The system works... I'm gonna keep swinging my baby lasso til I land me a man. ~Roger the alien

Drinks with Veronica. Glow-in-the dark volleyball. Reconnected with an old friend Great Friday.

is gonna roll you like a set of dice.

Spending some much needed time with my girl Veronica Rayne.

She is easily as pretty as I am. Using me as a basis of comparison.. lol

The truth is not kind and you say neither am I.

Life is FULL of big decisions — like deciding whether or not to have Indian food.

Is anyone else put off by the fact that Long John Silvers has a happy hour?

Bring beer...and burgers... that is all... Jukie out!

Ugh... We upgraded our internet connection and after all that crap, nothing works now since our router is obsolete. Tell me these things before my office shuts down... I hate technology.

I just loaded up my answer gun. Time to go question hunting...

‎"That Muslims can build a mosque at the World Trade Center tells you everything about America. That they WILL build it tells you everything about Islam." -- Dennis Miller

Now accepting donations for the "buy my happiness" campaign. I have a theory that money does make you happy. Just need the funds to test it. Lol

Dude, this lady told us if you don't confess all your sins and you don't eat crackers and drink wine, then you go to hell. Period.

Quote of the night, "I don't know, I'm not wikipedia!"

is frequently kind and suddenly cruel. She'll do as she pleases, she's nobodies fool.

Has the dream but not the drive.

Just because every thing's changing, doesn't mean it's never been this way before...

I am ready for some lunchy-munchy!

I invented a new game tonight: Beer or Spider? It pretty much rocks. I think it will really take off in the college scene!

I am simultaneously shocked and awed from the day's events.

Oh yeah. These new pants hug me tighter than my mom.

Somebody has absconded with my booty! I don't mean my booty - booty... I mean my treasure booty!

And that is why, in general, a mad scientist is less desirable than a regular, garden-variety scientist.

The shoveler is hammered!

What does Butt Rock mean to you?

Finally. Breakfast.

Who wants breakfast? I do, I do....

You're so affable that it can be hard to find you to make a date with you! Still, if you really want to find the time for someone special, you can and right now, there's someone you'd cancel almost anything to be with. Bonus: They're feeling the same way! Blow off the rest of the world and spend the next 24 hours together.

I have a new number. KLondike5 - 2487

Headache gone. Auction done. JT Spangler playing tonight. Shaping up to be a great Friday night!

Dear headache... please, please, please go away! You are ruining a perfectly good Friday.

I'm not that good at songs yet; but once I poke a guy, I'll be a regular Sondheim. LOL

Allergy face.. party of me... It hurts... lol

Love Never Dies.... When it is your time to "cross over" who will be waiting to welcome you to the other side?

Be gone with you! I've had enough of your nonsense from your smelly mouth filled with... corn!

There's something amuck with this spongecake.

I just read that a "celebrity" plastic surgeon died when he drove off a cliff while tweeting. His dog survived the accident.

So,I could not sleep & when I woke up the third time, The Haunting was on. Coincidence, that my insomnia allowed me to watch a movie based on studying insomniacs... lol

Alcohol's so good. I love it very much. I wish I was still drinking it.... because I love it soooooo.

So happy at this moment. Cherry Wheat on tap. Chicken tortilla soup. Teavana tea mix.

Retail therapy = awesome. Retail therapy with gift cards = AWESOMER!!!

My Tango lesson is in a few minutes... very excited...

I want seafood for dinner... who wants to go with me?

HEY! If you had the choice of being the top scientist in your field or gettin' mad cow disease, which would you choose?

The difference between a cow and a bean, is a bean can begin an adventure. ~ Jack

I don't want you to see me vulnerable and needing you...

Getting excited for Cottonwood Cove and a night on the boat.

At U-Haul. So many questions. Lol.

He-Man finally pulled the stick out and whooped this party's ass.

Time to join the ranks of the living... But I did enjoy sleeping my Saturday away.

Damn you, Gloria Estefan! The rhythm did get me!

Good morning, world. Cozied up with my little rat cat and watching Beverly Hills Cop!!!

Murphy's Law bar. Sam Adams Summer Ale. Karaoke. Great night.

Is patiently waiting for Julie T's cha-cha debut!!!

I clicked on a pop-up and got caught in a Pornado!

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

I never thought I would ever say this in my office, "I never want to talk about your dry teats, ever again."

My name is Jules Sparks, and I'm simultaneously funny and sad.

I miss the gluttonous cookie monster. Puppets should not be the source of good nutrition information... it is called Parenting...

You smell like old people... And soap.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. ~Mae West

Finally through that. T-minus one hour to delicious meats for dinner!

Whoever planned the tunnel construction is retarded.

Unicorns, I love them. Unicorns, I love them. Uni uni unicorns, I love them. Uni unicorns, I could pet one if they were really real. And they are! So I bought one so I could pet it. Now it loves me, now I love it. La lala la la...

You should not eat talking trees. Nope, nope, nope.

So... anyone that sent me a text after 8pm yesterday, I did not get it... Send again, I finally have text service... again... blah

Good Morning, Wednesday! Can't wait to see what you have in store for me today.... xoxo <3 J

mmmmm.... Fresh & Easy pizza and a glass of milk... Heaven!

I love the Apple Store... Well, except the one jerkface that reprimanded me.

You don't want a hungry dove down your pants. That's how Tony Wonder lost a nut. ~Gob

Thank you everyone. I love you all. This little bday girl is spent! Driving back to Vegas...

Josh and I are so from the desert, we are freezing right now. Brrrr

Fast Pass.... Yer my best friend!

Walking up the stairs, waiting for the ride and we walked into a fart cloud! Puke...

Tower of Terror!!! I <3 you, California Adventure!

Nobody ever wants to ride the teacups with me... Lol

Big Thunder Railroad... Josh is officially my legal guardian.

Thank you everyone for the birthday love!!!!

Oh my yay! We have lunch reservations at the Blue Bayou! I am way happy. Night all.... xoxo

Yay! Made it to the hotel! We were given a great upgrade so we can watch the fireworks show!!!

Yay. We made it to Barstow... Finally...ugh

So far CA trip sucks. 90 minutes in and just now at state linem

Wow... I am not drunk AND am actually going to bed at a decent hour!

Just finished my last table assignment... Leonard Nimoy FTW!

Ok... for those of you not too hung over, Sky Zone at 1 for Trampoline Dodge Ball! Everyone is awelcome to play!

I love Bedknobs & Broomsticks. Let's all go to the island of Naboombu!

Note to self: no more vodka red bulls. Body is tired, can't sleep.

Yay... It's Friday.. almost time to go home and get the party started!

So... a 61 year old man at the bar held out his hand and in it was half a pill... It was VA issued Viagra. I laughed so hard I almost fell off my bar stool. He said he took the other half when he saw me... ew...

Apache Joe's. They always make me feel happy and loved.

I do not kill people. That is my least favorite thing to do! ~ Carl, the Llama

I know it is only Wednesday, but I can't wait for Sunday and my trip to Disneyland... My 34th birthday is gonna rock!

Do you ever feel like you have a Brutus in your life? One at your back with a knife at the ready?

Where does one obtain a degree in Razzle Dazzle Calculus?

Rawr... Dr.Pepper needed to soothe the T-REx beast inside....

I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

Monday Monkey lives for the weekend.

My collection of the Rogers wedding photos are up, please tag yourself as I got bored... lol

Is there anything money can't do?

I'm so gangster that I am not doing laundry tonight... Lol

Why can't i wake up.